She and I are nothing without You

For the purpose of anonymity names have been changed. For my ‘usual’ readers ‘You’ = ‘Him’ = the boy/guy from which my blog originates.

November 2007: Craig and I met at CU in Dundee. This was the start of a beautiful friendship which includes living together in our final year, causing havoc on committee in our 2nd/3rd year, and many Clements coffees.

July 2012: Having myself moved to NI a year previously Craig introduced me to his sister Carol, who was returning to NI having studied in England for a few years. Carol and I didn’t have much in common but we were both ‘new’ to the city and looking to make friends. We would meet for coffee every now and then but we had other people we naturally spent time with.

August 2014: After keeping in regular enough touch between the months of March and August- when I was back in Scotland- Carol and I picked up our face- to- face friendship again but for one key reason…

August 2014: Returning to NI from Scotland- in a way kicking and screaming and forcing myself to trust God in the outworkings of my life- I met Him. He was everything I needed and didn’t need all rolled into one. I prayed that God would remove him from my life. I prayed that if this relationship was supposed to continue and develop I needed God’s full guidance in it. I prayed I wouldn’t fall like I did last time.

September 2014- December 2015: Carol and I saw each other loads. Carol and I saw Him, and the other boys loads. Carol and I really only ever talked about Him and the other boys. Looking back on messages the chat was always focused on him. We would spend time as a three, and as a six. She saw how happy He made me.

February 2016: Things ended between Him and I.

February 2016- September 2016: Carol was like that friend at the party…

Image

…She supported me, she really did, but if we weren’t talking about him then what were we talking about? The few tv shows we shared an interest in.

July 2016: Carol got engaged, and I was asked to be a bridesmaid.

September 2016: I went to Australia, and obviously this was really bad timing re: not being around for planning the wedding.

January 2017: Whilst at the same time making it clear that she misses having me around, Carol also makes it clear I’m getting the other bridesmaids’ backs up. All we talk about is the wedding and the hen do because I ask her questions about other stuff and she doesn’t answer. From the beginning of our friendship I have asked questions and received very few answers. I share about my life and I get nothing back.

March & April 2017: I’m not trusted to organise anything- she’d rather do it all herself. She doesn’t think my dress fits right and its my fault- I should have picked a bigger size. She has given another maid the authority to tell me what to do. She doesn’t care that I’m trying to move on from Him; she makes jokes about me being ‘too much’ for some guys. I head straight home after watching a program with her because I’m not convinced she wants to spend him with me/ I’m scared she’s going to find another wedding related issue to blame me for. I don’t know how to connect with her like I do with other friends.

I’m scared to talk about You because what if I never Get Over You? But, She and I are nothing without You.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s